Introducing "B"

This isn’t really a post about TTC but when you are waiting to ovulate during a long cycle you have a lot of time to kill.  I figured I would introduce each of my kids and partner to pass the time.

I have a 13 yr old daughter B. She and I could not be any more different. She is very girly, into make-up, loves jewelry and doing hair. Me? Not so much.

I had B very young (I was 19). We did a lot of growing up together. I made a lot of mistakes with her and I know it was because I was so young and unprepared to be a Mother. I was literally mothering my own Mother.  My Mom was a 41 year old heroin addict at this time (I could write a book about that). I worked 50+ hours a week as a waitress while going to school and trying to be a Mom at the same time (no help from her father). The mere fact that she has all of her limbs and can talk is a miracle! Thank God for my Dad & step-mom who helped me raise her the first 4 yrs of her life.

Now let’s fast forward to today. I want to rip her lips off! Everything I say to her is met with an attitude or a “tone”.  And yes I think I have said to her “Its not what you say, but how you say it” about a million times. She just does not get it!  This makes it very difficult to enjoy spending time with her. I know I need to really work on picking my battles with her but she can be quite aggravating. Couple this with her ADHD and we have a party going on.  B was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 years old. She is ADHD to the core. Her attention span is zilch, she can’t remember anything and without her meds she is a ball of over-the-top energy.  She does not have the oppositional aspect of ADHD but her lack of focus makes giving her directions, following through and school work a living hell.

B struggles in school which can be frustrating for both of us. I think it eats at her confidence and she just takes any comments from me as a dig or criticism. In truth I am just trying to help her reach her full potential.  I had to fight tooth and nail to get B seen by the Child Study Team at her school. They finally tested her last week and I am waiting on the results. I am just glad we are getting accommodations in place before she goes to high school next year.

B is also a very strong young lady. We lost my step-mom (age 51) 6 years ago to breast cancer. They were VERY. A year later we lost my Mom (also age 51) to an accidental overdose. B was also very close to her. B has handled it as well as can be expected. Then this past October B lost her father to an overdose. They were close but his presence in her life was very inconsistent. He would see her every weekend to every other weekend for 6 mths and then disappear for months on end. He was very good with her when he had her but only in a “fun Dad” kind of way. He never disciplined her, watched her soccer games, financially supported her or really taught her anything. He was just the fun guy. He struggled his whole life with an addict for a mother, no other family support and an addiction of his own.  B handled his passing fairly well and I do not think it has really hit her yet. With him being so inconsistent I guess it just feels like one of his absences again.   It breaks my heart to see her hurt.

B is also a very loving person. She does not like to see people hurt in any way. She loves her family immensely and is affectionate. She adores her little brother J and for the most part is good with him, with the exception of the normal annoyances that comes along with a little brother.  

Lauren and B tend to interact like sisters which can be difficult for all of us but at the end of the day they loves each other very much.  Lauren has been a constant in her life for almost 10 years. Lauren has taught me to be a better mother and is great with setting boundaries for both kids. As much as B annoys the hell out of Lauren, I know Lauren loves her as her own. 

B has a long road ahead of her in high school and I am not looking forward to it. Maybe her vocal cords with turn off for a bit….

Here’s to wishful thinking!