And the beat goes on.

I'm sitting here using my new iPhone 4S. This Siri chick is kind of cool and I suspect she's the only woman in my life, that really listens...lol.

I am now at 6 dpo. I'm a little bit crampy & slightly more hungry than usual, but nothing out of the ordinary. I really do not like to look into these signs too much as they can drive me crazy!

Every I get my hopes up, I end up feeling really let down. I get very depressed for a couple of days and really take it out on people around me which isn't fair but it's very difficult to keep going through this month after month. There are plenty of women that have been trying much longer than me so when I hear myself complaining and then read their stories I feel like an ass.

I am only doing this a few more months. 12 cycles ....that's it. My insurance coverage does not cover any fertility procedures, but I was kind of hoping that once Lauren gets medical coverage through her nursing position it may cover it. Then again I'm not really sure I want to put myself through that. I mean I do have an extra uterus at home & I know Lauren probably has a really good chance of conceiving a child in a healthy fashion so why should I put my body through that??

Fact of the matter is, I probably would put my body through it. There's nothing more I want than to enjoy a happy healthy pregnancy with Lauren and to finally feel supported and loved.

Sad to say, but I really can't remember that much about my pregnancy with my daughter Brianna. I was so stressed out, working long hours and constantly worrying about money that I didn't take a moment to stop and really enjoy the miracle that was happening inside of me. I was a baby having a baby. I think being so stressed prevented me from properly bonding with my daughter. This is something that I deal with on a daily basis and really upsets me. As I was raising Brianna it was like I was growing up with her. Sometimes we seem to have more of a sisterly relationship than that of a mother-daughter one.

Since marrying Lauren and with the birth of my son Jamesen, I think I'm learning to change the roles around in the right direction. Lauren is a really great mother and really sets boundaries with the kids. She doesn't let guilt trips and manipulation change her mind or her decisions. She has taught me that structure is very important with kids and to always put their best interests first even if it's not the easiest thing to do.

This is why can't wait to have another baby with her.