Second Beta

I think I will start trying to enjoy this more!

Beta 1736.5
Progesterone 20.4

Doubling Time - 39.16 hours

Venting my spleen

I am starting to toy with the idea of password protected posts. I have some things I need to vent about and I do not want to feel like I have to filter myself.

This is my space to vent and let go of fears or to process them.

Good start!

So my beta came back yesterday. It was 77 & progesterone is 43 (at 10 dpo)! I feel somewhat better now. I have to go back for another beta on Monday to make sure my numbers are doubling as they should.  Once that is confirmed I think I get to make my first prenatal appt.

Maybe I will get a scan to take a look at Speck sometime at the end of February or for my birthday in March.

Today would have been my Mother's 56th birthday. It would have been an awesome gift to tell her I was expecting. Sadly, we lost her 5 years ago to an accidental overdose. This pregnancy although a joyous occasion is somewhat bittersweet for me without her.

Tomorrow also marks 6 years that we lost my step-mom to breast cancer. In past years during this time, I would be very depressed and sad, but with my recent BFP I am just overjoyed! I keep talking to my Mom & step-mom asking hem to watch over my growing little one. Each day I start to get a little more excited.

But man oh man..... this is going to be a long 9 months!

Nervous Nelly

So I have been pregnant for 3 days now. I went in for blood work yesterday and hope to have my beta count by tonight or tomorrow. To say I am worried is a total understatement.

I have not truly enjoyed the last 3 days like I thought I would. All I keep thinking about is whether or not Speck will stick around (yes that’s our nickname for the little one!).  Like many other women TTC, I spent vast amounts of time on Fert.lity Friend, reading TTC blogs and looking on other TTC related websites. I can remember reading about chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages.  That is all that I have swirling in my brain right now.

I am almost too scared to get excited about this. We did tell some family & friends and I instantly felt regretful for doing so as I was convincing myself that something bad will happen. I guess this is the price you pay for being too educated about what can happen.  Its also the price you pay for knowing you’re pregnant as early as possible.

Please tell me I am not the only one who has felt this way??

Um...

I am beyond shocked.

Wanna come to my pity party?

I have no idea what is wrong with me today. Maybe its the progesterone or maybe its just sadness. I keep having these feelings that I will not get pregnant again without major medical intervention  This is not even an option financially right now and it just saddens me. I am not even out of this cycle's TWW and I am already feeling defeated.

I know I should try and stay positive, but it is so hard to do! I am very grateful for the 2 healthy and beautiful children we have but I have wanted this so bad. This has taken over our life in 2 week chunks for the past year and I am just getting tired of it.

Pity party rant over.

3dpo

Ahh, so here we are...right at the beginning of the TWW. I took the first of my progesterone yesterday. It made me feel a little tired and I had a hot flash.  That is definitely not abnormal for me though.

I am still sticking with my acupuncture. I am actually going tonight. They say it takes 3 to 4 months to actually see any changes from it but I am thinking that ovulating 10 days sooner with copious amounts of EWCM which is more than usual is a definite welcomed change!  I have also kept up with working out at least 5 days a week for 20 mins in the morning. I hate every second of it but I know its needed.

Our insem timing this month was spot on and Fertility Friend has it marked as “High”, which means it was timed well.  I am feeling optimistic about this cycle but I am kind of afraid to do so. I hate the feeling of being let down when I do not see those 2 pink lines.  If I don’t get my long awaited BFP this month I start Clo.mid next month. I really hope it doesn’t come to that but its nice knowing I have a plan.